Product Of Zimmy Industries

TGMZ

Even though it's been just over 7 months since I started working I haven't actually got around to shouting about it, this is, suprisingly, due to it not actually being all that bad. I'm serious. I can live with the shit pay, the bordem, the occasional incompetance of those around me. All of that doesn't really bother me too much but about two months back the company hired two new members to the test lab, one to work on the SACU (part of the communications stuff on trains) line and one annoying shit for the Piccadilly (basically audio stuff for the London Underground when its not being suicide-bombed) line. Now the SACU guy is a nice bloke like the rest of the people (I can't believe I just said that) but the Piccadilly guy (hence forth known as Chatter-Box or more politely Talkative-Little-Cunt) won't shut up... Ever! The first week he was there he wasn't so bad, he just kept coming out with crappy jokes and other stupid sayings, but he gradually got worse. After a while he started stopping you for a brief six hour chat, then after a while he started coming out with stupid bullshit 'facts', seriously if he overheard a conversation he would come over and chip his bit in, but he didn't bring two cents, no... He brought his life savings. Now the two guys who work behind me (that's not a gay reference) are avid World of Warcraft fans for God knows what reason, which just so happens to be what Chatter-Box plays, but knows absolutly nothing about, so he takes it upon himself to stand there for half an hour asking them this, that and the other about it. Apparently on World of Warcraft you get pets to help you or something like that, but like the twat he is, Chatter-Box didn't know what his pet was called so he was describing it to the guy next to me and said it was Fel-something, I had a rough idea what it was from playing Warcraft III so I piped up in chances that giving him the right answer would make him piss off quicker (it was a Felhound if you care). Oh no. That plan backfired quite quickly, he looked at me like I'd shat on his mother's gave and said "Yes, how did you know? Do you play?" I said no but he obviously heard something along the lines of "Yes I play World of Warcraft, I play it like I never want to get laid in my entire existance, I play it like I'm quite happy tossing off to anime in the hopeless chance that those big breasted cute girls will come out of the screen and finish the job. Yes I fucking play it, talk to me continuously about it because I honestly give a shit about how many soul shards you picked up in Stormwind whilst riding your epic dreadsteed." That is pretty much all he fucking talks about, if he isn't its other stupid bullshit I don't care about. But then again even if he talked about something awesome like Jeremy Kyle or Rammstein I still probably wouldn't care because he wouldn't know what he was talking about and he looks like a fucking owl! Seriously he fucking does! Big eyes and he even does that weird tongue thing. Anyway I'm getting side tracked here... Next came the shitty one liners, like every lunchtime I have a Pot Noodle to eat, and God forbid if he manages to catch me at the kettle-thing he just says "pot poodle" as if changing the one letter makes a quick lunchtime snack infinatly hilarious to the point where I must stop what I'm doing, fall to the ground and roll about on the floor in fits of laughter until I die of starvation because I didn't eat my 'Pot Poodle LOL!!!!11one' I'm sorry but not even 9/11 was that funny. Which brings me nicely on to what he was like last month. Whenever he says something that he even remotely thinks is funny he spluttered out the last three or four words in what I can best describe as a half sneezed laugh. At this point he got very little work done because of his constant jabbering, but whenever he did work and actually managed to find out what was wrong with a unit after multiple half-hour consults with his trainer, he came plodding over to talk about his sucess as if he deserves a medal or something. After another thirty minutes to an hour he'll go and tell the supervisor and expect a second medal, a parade and employee of the month status for eternity, I can tell that my supervisor hates this because he tries to avoid all such eye contact and just does the quick yeah thing, you know what I mean... That's another thing, he stands quite close to you when he talks at you, and if you so much as break contact he gets closer, like the time I was working on a unit (again not a gay reference) so I was looking down at it (must choose words more carefully) so he bent over (this is working any better) so that his face was literally about a foot away from my mine and projected his voice directly into my ear, stupid cunt. Now we are at the present day, he comes and bugs you when he pleases, which is always, he gets little if any work done, he comes in on overtime and does nothing but talk to others, he thinks I'm a goth for some reason and just to top it all off he's developed the habit of full-on shoulder barging you just the sneeze-laugh-repeat thing he does. This guy is of absolute no worth to the department, to the company or to the human race itself. He's like really talkative cancer, he's spread from the test lab to the shop floor, QA and stores, we suspect engineering in next in line for infection and he's in 'dire' (that's one of the words he uses a lot) need of irradiating, or blugeoning, or shooting. The fact that he does no work annoys me but thing that really gets me is that he distracts everyone else from their job too just makes it so much worse! And he even has the sheer audacity to come in and get paid time+1/2 overtime and do the exact bastard thing, it fucks me off something good and proper. So hence forth I'm not going to sit back and let him get away with it, I'm telling my supervisor cause I'm fairly positive he has no idea of the extent it's got to. On the plus side though... Every time he coughs it sounds like he's dying :D

TGMZ